


Over-active Imagination

by Catricious



Category: Death Note
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-09 23:03:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catricious/pseuds/Catricious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Roger wondered why he even bothered...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Over-active Imagination

**Author's Note:**

> Basically crack. Mello and his adventures before the events of Death Note.

Roger paced up and down in front of the desk. He had a limp and a walking-stick and a way of making the floorboards squeak and rattle.

Mello decided he wouldn't make a very good ninja.

"Mello, this is the third time this week you have managed to disrupt absolutely everybody here. What were you thinking?"

He briefly debated telling Roger everything. Best not.

"A ninja never reveals military secrets, sir, Sorry."

Roger gave him an exasperated look and sat down in the high-backed chair behind the desk.

"Mello."

"Sir."

"What were you doing on the roof?"

"Scoping out the area, sir."

"Why?"

"It would be a tactical error not to be completely aware of our surroundings. Oh! The east gate is a weak spot. You should fortify it immediately, or else during a siege the enemy could eerily infiltrate us."

"…I'll look into it."

"Thankyou."

Roger decided to move on. He had long-since come to the conclusion that most of Mello's 'precautions' didn't do any real harm, and should really just be ignored.

"Did you steal the bolt cutters from Pete's shed?"

"Borrowed them, sir."

"Why?"

The classroom scissors weren't sharp enough."

"Sharp enough for what?"

"Cutting those metal wires into sections."

"Sections?"

"I needed a length thirty-two centimetres long, a length fifty centimetres long, and one two-metre length."

"What for?"

"The bear trap."

Roger tried not to think about it.

"Is it in danger of harming other students?"

"No."

"Very well," he sighed. "And the chainsaw? I assume you have that?"

"Yeah, that I'll be keeping a bit longer."

"…"

"For the zombie apocalypse," Mello helpfully supplied.

"Please do not use it on the other students, or any living being."

"Of course not!" Mello looked affronted. "I fight the undead, not humanity!"

"And Sammy Walker?"

"That was one time, and he was stumbling around and moaning. If you act like a zombie, expect to be attacked!"

"Just make sure next time. Now, there have been complaints from some of your dorm-mates…"

"The wooden stakes? I don't have anywhere else to put them, the storage unit I rent is already full."

"It's about the 'friend' you have staying, actually."

"Matt? He's my assistant."

"He's rather… protective of you."

"Yeah, he's great! I bought him at a garage sale. Well, not so much bought as kidnapped and left some money for his parents, but they weren't treating him well anyway."

"You'll have to return him."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"His parents moved. And changed their names. After some prompting from the Mafia. The Mafia that I may or may not run."

Roger closed his eyes, sighing resignedly.

"He'll need a bed."

"Nah, that's okay. Bill already moved out to C Dorm, so Matt's been sleeping in his bed. Actually, can you organise a movie night sleepover on the night of the full moon? Matt and I are performing a blood ritual and he doesn't think the others will want to come for some reason. Thanks." With that, Mello left, smiling innocently as he left.

Roger sat in silence for a good half hour, then put in a order for all of Mello's dorm-mates to be relocated.


End file.
